3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize