No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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