I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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