im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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