my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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