3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to make a zoo with you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize