It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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