I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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