I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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