I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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