I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize