it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize