You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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