just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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