WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize