put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize