So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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