This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize