Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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