Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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