I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize