Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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