Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize