i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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