as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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