i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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