there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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