what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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