I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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