I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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