I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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