I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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