so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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