Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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