I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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