I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize