TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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