I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize