The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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