I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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