All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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