I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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