the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Small penises have feelings too.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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