Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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