Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize