I'm lost and stupid without you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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