I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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