then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he fucked my hip out of place.
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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