i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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