Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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